Mar 06 2009
Research on Shame and Thoughts on Self-Esteem and Status
The notion of self-esteem has long seemed an odd one to me — at least when considered in a social vacuum. Why would individuals need to feel worthy to themselves for themselves?
In a previous post I wrote,
What is self-esteem? It appears to consist of thoughts and, more importantly, feelings we have about ourselves. Thus the “self” in self-esteem. But where does it come from and what is it for? One of the better theories on self-esteem I have encountered is called the “social-meter theory.” I originally read about it in a paper titled, “Self-esteem as an interpersonal monitor: The sociometer hypothesis.” (1) The theory asserts that our self-esteem consists of perceptions of group inclusion and exclusion. When we are accepted by the groups we value, we feel good about ourselves; when we are rejected (or at least perceive rejection), we feel bad. “Sociometer theory posits a fundamental human need to belong to social groups and to form bonds with others.” (2)
I am drawn to this theory for it explains what self-esteem “is for” in a way that is not disconnected from our nature as a species — in particular, our social nature. Certainly, the theory is not perfect, and self-esteem is much more complicated than a red-light/green-light model of perceived social belonging. For instance, one of the strongest influences on our self-esteem, if not the strongest, is our individual temperament. Self-esteem shows considerable consistency throughout the life span, suggesting that it may be more of a trait of who we are rather than a consequence of what we experience. Nevertheless, some work has been done on the influence of group inclusion and/or exclusion on self-esteem, and there does appear to be a link, however transient.
Rather than being some disembodied yet central psychological force, self-esteem may serve a down-to-earth function. “Rather than serving primarily to maintain one’s inner sense of self, the self-esteem motive prompts people to behave in ways that maintain their connections with other people.” (3)
Yes, connections with others. In a bit of research released late last year, the ways in which personally experienced emotions and motivations influence social behavior was explored. Although the title to the piece was pure inflammatory, conventional-thinking-ass-kissing bogosity (Shame On Us: Shaming Some Kids Makes Them More Aggressive), the piece did contain some insightful nuggets.
When a person feels shame, they feel bad. Could there be a purpose to feeling that way, an upside to the individual and the group?
Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? All these years, you’ve been trying to build up your child’s self-esteem, and now a growing body of research suggests you may be making a big mistake. A study published in the December issue of Child Development finds that early adolescents with high self-esteem are more likely to react aggressively when they feel ashamed than their peers with lower levels of self-esteem.
“Young teens with low self-esteem apparently don’t feel the need to protect their punctured egos,” said University of Michigan psychologist Brad J. Bushman, a co-author of the study with colleagues from VU University and Utrecht University in The Netherlands.
Okay, so maybe high self-esteem isn’t an unqualified good thing. But what about shame? Is shame a bad thing?
It seems to me that social shame “informs” the individual that “what you did was bad and you now risk rejection from the group.” Because group living has many benefits, harmonious relations with a group can be important. The threat of shame just might help individuals behave as group players. Or motivate them to find another group.
What does all this have to do with status? Good question. I find it possible that self-esteem mediates the social emotions and motivations. If a person perceives his/her personal value to group(s) to be high — in a sense that he/she deserves to be central (the high self-esteem individual) — he or she is more likely to react strongly to shaming. Why? The transition from central to possible rejection and outcast is much greater than that from peripheral (low self-esteem) to possible rejection.
Of course, the above is nearly pure speculation. Call it educated speculation, an informed hunch. My confidence in it, however, is not high. And not because of my self-esteem. But because good evidence is lacking. At least right now.
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(1) Leary, M. R., Tambor, E. S., Terdal, S. K., & Downs, D. L., “Self-esteem as an interpersonal monitor: The sociometer hypothesis,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1995, 68 No. 3, p. 518 – 530
(2) Srivastava, S., & Beer, J., “How Self-Evaluations Relate to Being Liked by Others: Integrating Sociometer and Attachment Perspectives,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2005, Vol. 89, No. 6, p. 966
(3) Leary, M. R., Tambor, E. S., Terdal, S. K., & Downs, D. L., “Self-esteem as an interpersonal monitor: The sociometer hypothesis,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1995, 68 No. 3, p.529
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