Feb 27 2010
Reincarnation Ruminations
[It's Saturday. To hell with science and skepticism.
I'm in a different sort of mood. And so this . . . .]
Perhaps a half-dozen times in my life I have pondered the question, “If, after I die, I could come back as any type of animal, what would I be?”
My answers have included “eagle” and “dolphin.” Funny, I never considered “centipede.” During my speed-obsessed boyhood years I may have responded “cheetah.”
It has recently dawned on me that underlying the question is a sort of global recycling notion. You spend your days in one shape and then, presto, are re-formed into another. Is Hinduism thus “the greener religion?”
There is some truth to the reincarnation-as-global-recycling idea. All large mammals such as ourselves, however, go through the crucial step of becoming microbes and worms in our first turnaround before we eventually wind up as grass then rabbits then coyotes.
Today, as I think about what I’d like to come back as, I know I wouldn’t want to be an eagle. Though flying would be a thrill, I wonder if birds find it thrilling or merely a way of getting from here to there.
Flying aside, I’m afraid I would miss having hands. What if I got the urge to read a book? Just opening it would be a difficult task with a forearm that terminates in feathers.
Furthermore, the thought of cold carrion for breakfast or fish guts for lunch doesn’t do much for my present set of taste-buds.
Then there’s the problem of celebrity. The eagle is virtual royalty in the animal kingdom. I’d hate being pursued far and wide by the National Geographic paparazzi.
In my next life I also wouldn’t want to come back as a dolphin.
Due to the upward crease at the base of their bills, dolphins always seem to be smiling. But are they truly happy? Maybe they’re in denial. A few good therapy sessions and the whole lot of them would be fighting and carrying grudges, I bet.
If a dolphin were really clever, it would poke it’s face out of the water at Sea World and use its helium voice to beg the trainer to help it out of its monkey suit. I can hear Flipper now…”What I would do for a pair of legs! Walking around on the surface of the planet…that would be something.”
With dolphins there is also the issue of hands, or lack thereof. Armed only with fins, how could I operate the numerous small buttons on the back of my digital camera?
When asked the reincarnation question, many people have probably answered “lion.” King of the jungle. The thought of becoming a lion lights up no switchboard in me. I’ll say one word about the lion’s lifestyle: boring. You go for the kill, you gorge yourself on the still-warm flesh, and then you sleep.
Sounds like the life of a corporate raider. Lions, however, get better sleep, breathe fresher air, and have lower dry-cleaning bills.
I will say one positive thing about lions. They have paws, which is a distinct advantage over wings and fins. That is if you don’t need to fly or swim. Yet what do lions do if one of those tiny screws falls out of the hinge to their sunglasses? Fingers are remarkable things.
Lastly, I wouldn’t want to be a lizard, turtle, or snake. Reptiles are notoriously lousy tennis players.
Choosing which life-form I would want to be reincarnated as has become an easy question. As I have already disclosed, I like having hands. Whatever I come back as has to have opposable thumbs, sensitive fingertips and flexible digits.
Then there is the all-important consideration of health and hygiene. Let’s face it. Life in the wild is often glamorized. I find no glamour in the thought that my body could become host to a party of fleas or a mob of internal parasites. Or both. Anyone who has seen the difference in health between a feral dog or cat and a domestic one knows what I’m talking about.
And what if you break your leg in the wild? You aren’t likely to hear an ambulance rushing to save you. You’re more likely to hear the vultures and the jackals ring their dinner bells.
If I had a say in the matter I would want to come back as a human. Being a human provides you with many outstanding opportunities. And the health care is excellent.
I wouldn’t want to come back as any human, though. I’d want to come back as myself. At least at this point. There are still a lot of books I haven’t read, questions I haven’t answered.
